Random Convos with Skulduggery Pleasant Characters
by BrookeyThatMermaid
Summary: This is just some random text messaging conversations between SP characters that I wrote in Social Studies when I was bored out of my mind.
1. Convos with a 400 year old skeleton

Random Convos With My 400 Year Old Skeleton **Val**

_Skul_

**I hope you get attacked by a raccoon!**

_Why would you hope such a thing? Think of my hat._

**I hope it has little nasty raccoon babies in your hat!**

_Why do you hate me?_

**You went into my house and told my parents you were my husband of 64 years!**

_I did no such thing._

**You liar! My mom is still freaked out and my dad won't stop talking about how you're a drug addict!**

_I'm not a drug addict. How would that even work? And if I was, I'd be the prettiest drug addict in town._

**I don't know how drugs work!**

_You didn't deny the fact that I'm pretty._

**You stupid egotistical skeleton! You're mot pretty! I'm pretty! You're a bag of bones!**

_That's offensive! I thought I was so much more._

**Well, you're not! You're a skeleton with an ego problem!**

_I thought we had something._

**Had what?!**

_I'm your husband of 64 years._

**You are not! I'm only 23 years old! How would that even work?!**

_Your 23 in human years, but what are you in dog years?_

**I hate you!**

_I know. You didn't deny the fact that I'm your husband._

**You're not my husband!**

(Not in text messaging)

_Skulduggery gets down on one knee. "Will you marry me?"_

**"No, but I'll take the ring." Valkyrie takes ring from confused Skulduggery.**

_"That's not how that works." Valkyrie gets down on one knee._

**"Marry me?" Skulduggery nods confused.**

**_AN: I wrote this in class when I was bored to death. Don't judge anything written in it. I don't know why Skulduggery and Valkyrie were in the same room texting each other, but that's what happened. And no they were not in a relationship during this. I'm going to have a few more chapters posted with this one, because I wrote them in class as well. None of them apply to each other. _**


	2. Convos with a sword wielding maniac

Random Convos with a Sword Wielding Madwoman **Val**

_Tanith_

**How did you come up with 'Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough'?**

_I didn't make it up. It's been passed down in my family for generations._

**I've met your parents. Neither one would ever go around beating up bad guys yelling 'Come and have a go if you think your hard enough.'**

_How do know you met my real parents?_

**You look just like them.**

_Fine, so maybe it wasn't pasted down in my family._

**How did you come up with it?**

_I was training with my brother and it just came out._

**Uh huh**

_What you don't believe me?_

**Nope, you're smart, but not smart enough to come up with something like that right off the top of your head. **

_I'm going to pretend you're not insulting me right now._

**But I am insulting you. What are you going to do? Send Ghastly to beat me up?**

_No I'll tell him to not make you clothes anymore and I'll come beat the hell out of you._

**Oooh, I'm scared.**

_You better be._

**Will you tell me how you came up with 'Come and have a go if you think your hard enough' before you kill me?**

_Fine! I got it off the back of a cereal box!_

**Omg! I knew it!**

_If you tell anyone this, I'll kill you!_

**Does it count if I already told someone?**

_Who?_

**Skulduggery**

_Yep, you're dead._

**Have mercy!**

_Fine, I'll just kick your ass._

**Thank you for your mercy! You know I would've went with 'Come and have a go if you think your dark enough' but that's just me.**

_:(_

**_AN: Yeah, I was wondering about how Tanith came up with her catchphrase and my teacher was talking about something being written on cereal boxes, so I made Tanith get her catchphrase from a cereal box. I confuse myself. Tell me what you think._**


	3. Convos with an amazing tailor

Random Convos with an Amazing Tailor **Val**

_Ghastly_

_Your new boots will be ready in two days._

**Thanks…have you married Tanith yet?**

_No, we've only been together a year._

**So? You guys are perfect for each other.**

_Yes, I realize that, but I can't just ask her to marry me._

**Yes, you can! Guys do it to China all the time.**

_And she says no all the time._

**That's not the point! China has no soul!**

_If I'm correct, doesn't Tanith not have a soul anymore_

**That's different Nye took it out to get the remnant out.**

_I don't see a difference._

**I do! I think you don't want to marry her! You want Françoise, don't you?**

_No! Francoise is a bloody idiot!_

**Maybe that's how you like 'em.**

_It's not! I like them tough, smart, and pretty._

**Ghastly, are you proposing to me? **

_I hate you._

**Marry Tanith!**

_No!_

**So you don't love her!**

_That's not what I said!_

**It's not what you didn't say.**

_You've been spending too much time around Skulduggery._

**Thank you.**

_Not a complement!_

**Did you propose to Tanith yet?**

_Did you propose to Skulduggery yet?_

**. . .**

_Exactly_

**I will if you marry Tanith.**

_Fine! I will if you'll leave me alone!_

**XD**

**_AN: I made Tanith back to normal if you couldn't tell. Also Val and Skul are not in a relationship. Ghastly just said that to mess with Val. I guess you could say that ties into the first chapter, when Skul proposes to Val and she does the same, but I wrote this one after that. If you have any suggestions about who I should do next, please tell me. _**


	4. Convos with a teleporter and grand mage

Random Convos with the last teleporter and grand mage **Fletcher**

Erskine

No Fletcher, I cannot make a holiday for your hair.

**Why not? My hair is important enough.**

Fletcher your hair is stupid

**That's what everyone says, but I know you're all just jealous.**

No one is jealous of your hair

**If you can't make a holiday for my hair, can you at least make a law saying no one can mess it up?**

What will Valkyrie do with her free time then?

**Worship my hair… Oooh make that a thing, everyone must worship my hair for an hour a day.**

I'm sure everyone will obey that law.

**They will! My hair is awesome!**

Sure it is, Fletcher.

**So, you're going to make that a law?**

No, if I did I'm sure to be overthrown.

**Maybe my hair can take over!**

That's impossible… unless your hair speaks to you.

**Doesn't yours?**

I think you may need to see Nye and Geoffrey.

**My hairs telling me to kill you.**

:o Tell your hair to stop that.

**I don't know, I kind of like what it's telling me to do.**

I swear to God, Fletcher.

**I could take over the Irish Sanctuary…**

…Fletcher

**Then the world!**

…

**Everyone will have awesome hair!**

Oh God

**Everyone will worship my hair!**

I'm calling Skulduggery

**Skulduggery will have my hair!**

That's impossible unless you make him wear a wig.

**He will! And he'll like it!**

If you do manage to take over at least you won't rule long.

**Whys that?**

Skulduggery's going to kill you.

**Let me rethink this…**

Good idea.

**_AN: This was requested so I made it as soon as I saw the request. Hope you liked it. And please send me more requests. It's really fun writing these. Now I must go for my ferret is crawling all over my laptop._**


	5. convos with a tattoo artsist

Convos with a tattoo artist **Valkyrie**

Finbar

**Can I have a tattoo?**

Sure Val, what do you want?

**I don't know, something cool**

Want a tattoo of Skul-Man?

**What? No! Why would I want that?**

I was just asking

**Why would you ask that?**

Since you guys are all close and stuff I thought you'd want one

**Its bad enough I have to see him most of the day. I couldn't stand to have his face on me all the time.**

How about a skull?

**That's the same thing!**

How is it the same?

**Skulduggery's a skeleton.**

Oh yeah, forgot about that

**How can you forget something like that?**

It slipped my mind… What were we talking about again?

**I want a tattoo.**

Awesome how bout a skull?

**No! We've been over this already!**

Have we? Oh, we have…

**How about I come over there?**

Sounds good, is Skully coming too?

**No, he said I wasn't allowed to get a tattoo.**

Ah, isn't he going to come after me if I give you one?

**No, I'll tell him some mortal tattoo artist did it.**

Thanks Val.

**I don't think he would've come after you anyway. He'd probably maim me a little and yell at you.**

You should've made sure Skulduggery wasn't in the same room as me before you said all this.

**:o**

**_AN: I wrote this in class too, I didn't post it for some reason. Valkyrie was younger in this one, probably around 16-17. As always hope you liked it and please suggest other conversations I should do._**


	6. Convos with that damn skeleton again

Convos with that darn skeleton again **Valkyrie**

Skulduggery

**Skulduggery, I know you're reading these! Stop ignoring me!**

I'm not ignoring you. I just wanted to see how many times you'd message me before you'd give up.

**I hate you.**

You say that a lot.

**That's, because your annoying!**

And you're not?

**No, I'm a pleasure to be around.**

Are you sure about that?

**Yes, everyone who meets me falls madly in love with me.**

I didn't know I was talking to China.

**I'm not China, I have a soul.**

Your souls evil and is going to destroy the world.

**I really hate when you use logic against me.**

Good, now what did you want from me?

**I… I don't remember.**

You just wasted both our time.

**I'll figure it out.**

I'm waiting…

**Stop pressuring me!**

Is that what I'm doing?

**Yes!**

Have you figured out what you were going to say?

**No!**

While we wait for you to figure out, how about we talk about something else?

**Like what?**

Hm… I have a question for you.

**And that is…**

Will you, what's the current term, go out with me?

**…**

It's very not very gentlemen like to ask over the phone, but it's the middle of the night and your with your with your parents for the weekend in France, so my options are somewhat limited.

**Uh, like boyfriend girlfriend thing?**

Yes

**You like me?**

Yes

**Okay, let's do it.**

**_AN: So yeah, no idea why I decided to write this. Valkyrie reminds me of my Best Friend Virginia in the beginning of this one. There both full of themselves and think that everyone loves them. Hey wait that's me too. Most of what I wrote comes from conversations we had, but you know without the asking out know the drill. Hope you liked it and tell me who I should do next. I'm going to respond to the reviews now._**

**_PhobbyWriter: I like you just from your one comment. I think you're funny._**

**_Aeyla Skywalker: I like your name. I will defiantly be writing a Dexter and Saracen one. I love those two. _**

**_Thanks for reviewing! You people think I'm funny which automatically makes you a good person with impeccable judgment. Too Ta Lou!_**


	7. Convos with Mr Know it all and Dexter

Convos with Mr. Know it all and Dexter. (I laugh at this for some reason) **Dexter**

Saracen

**So, Saracen, since you know everything did you know there's a girl sitting in her car writing stories about us?**

Yes, she's quite annoying.

**_Hey back off old man!_**

**Ha! She called you old!**

She's debating whether or not to make this a romance.

**_That's a secret! No one was supposed to know I secretly ship you two. _**

**Now the whole world knows.**

**_And by whole world you mean the 3 people who've read my stories._**

Wow, you're not popular.

**_I'm doing the best I can. I happen to like the three people who read the story._**

**Suck up.**

**_Shut yo face, Grandma! (10 points to Gryffindor if you know where that's from)_**

Ha! She called you a grandma.

**_Now, I'm going to make you both forget I'm here and show the world you're other conversations._**

**If you know everything, then what am I wearing?**

Nothing, you prefer talking to me in the nude.

**Good job**

Why is that?

**… You're the one who knows everything, you tell me.**

You, Dexter, are one strange man.

**Took you long enough to notice.**

I noticed, I always notice you.

**_Mawhahahaha, now you're in a relationship!_**

**Can we kill her?**

Will it count as a date?

**_Awww, I'm so glad you chose me to murder on your first date. To be honest I thought it would be Valkyrie and Skulduggery who would kill me, but next to Tanith and Ghastly you're the next best choice._**

**Saracen, get a hold of yourself! She's controlling you.**

No, she's not.

**Waaah?**

I've felt this way for awhile now.

**Alright who stole your phone this time?**

Me, Valkyrie.

**Of course.**

Love you too, Dexter.

**_AN: I have no idea what just happened there. I think I've gone insane…er. If that broke your brain, then good I'm not the only one. I need to get a life. Thanks so much Aeyla, for asking for this. Actually I really liked this and there will probably be more made with these two. Suggestions? Also I've decided that I'll also do ones with random people such as Johnny Depp or your own characters._**


	8. Convos with a texan

Convos with a Texan **Skulduggery **Sanguine _Valkyrie _Ghastly _ Tanith _**_Myself_**

Hello, do-gooders.

_Hello, moron._

Darlin I thought we had something.

You didn't.

Look it's the ugly fella.

_You looking in the mirror again?_

Shut it!

**This is highly amusing.**

_I say we kill him._

I say we do nothin of the sort.

Can I do it?

**_Yes…_**

Who the 'ell are you?

**_Your mom._**

She a new person?

**Never seen her before.**

She said I could kill Sanguine, so I like her.

_No one said you couldn't._

_I kinda wanted to…_

_Well, yeah, me too, but Ghastly should have the honor._

**As long as you make him suffer.**

Did y'all just forget I was here?

**No, we chose to ignore you. **

**_AN: Sorry this one was so short, but my sister has started playing Justin Beiber, so I must run. I'll write another completely random one as soon as it's safe. Ahhhh, it hurts!_**


	9. convos with the Skull Gang

Convos with the Skull Gang Valkyrie, **Skulduggery, **_Tanith, _Ghastly

Watermolon!

_Rose!_

**?**

What are you talking about?

Watch youtube

_Val, don't you think Devon looks like Skulduggery when he was human._

Oh…My…God, he does!

**Who is this person?**

DevonDoesGames, he's awesome

Is he some sorcerer?

_He might be, we don't know._

I think he's secretly an American version of Skulduggery.

_Does Skulduggery sing?_

**No**

Yes, they even sound alike

Aw, Skulduggery sings

**Shut it, Bespoke**

_When did you hear Skulduggery sing? And what did he sing?_

He sang Me and Mrs. Jones and he sang it when I was shunting.

Isnt that a love song?

**No**

_Omg, it is! I just looked at the lyrics._

?

Isn't it about two people who want to be together but can't?

_Pretty much._

Aw, Skulduggery, I knew you loved me

**I don't know what you're talking about**

_Skully loves Valkyrie 3_

**Skully?**

I always knew it

I think we're embarrassing him

_Nonsense_

Skulduggery + Valkyrie = Forever 3

**I'm going to kill you all**

_But then you'd be killing the love of your life_

He's the love of his life

That is 100% true

_Thank you, Ghastly for once again stating the obvious _

I try

**_(Skulduggery Pleasant has left the building)_**

You scared him away

Got to go, I'll torment Skul at the Sanctuary

_Val, a Bentley just pulled up outside my house should I A. be worried, B. run for my life, C. hide, or D. go to your house for safety?_

B. Run for life

**_AN: I don't know why Valkyrie was unaffected by that. I also solved the Justin Beiber problem, I tackled my sister and took her ipod. Erm, I'm not going to do this as much, because I wrote another story it's currently called Skulduggery Pleasant: The Musical. It's a bunch of song chapters. And by a bunch I mean one so far, but I worked really hard on it. Please check it out. Hope you liked the story, please review. Suggestions?_**


	10. Clarabelle and Nye (I'm getting lazy)

Random Convos with the ditzy blue-haired girl & the mutant doctor Clarabelle **Nye**

**Clarabelle! Stop texting me and get your ass back here!**

Back where?

**The Sanctuary!**

I don't wanna go there. You tried to cut my scalp off last time

**I wanted to see if you actually had a brain**

Why wouldn't I have a brain?

**I don't know, you never use it!**

I use it all the time. I just don't like what it says so I don't listen to it

**Why did I hire you again?**

Because I killed my last boss

**I thought you were a murder. I didn't know you could kill with your stupidity**

I'm not stupid

**Of course not, Clarabelle, I have a bunny here for you**

Really?!

**Yes, all you have to do is come here **

Are you going to experiment on me or the bunny?

**Yes**

Then I'm not coming

**But then I'll kill the bunny**

I'm coming! Don't hurt the bunny!

**_(At Sanctuary with Nye)_**

"That's not a bunny." Clarabelle said looking at the small fluffy creature.

**"What do you mean it's not a bunny?" Nye asked it just stole the bunny from the pet store.**

"Bunnies look like this." Clarabelle said showing Nye a picture of a zombie.

**"That's a zombie." Nye said frowning.**

**_AN: So that happened. That was requested by Iris Dexterous (Did I spell that right? I think I did. I'm proud. (If I didn't don't ruin my happiness)) _**

**_Iris Dexterous: You are awesome. I'm going to try to do all the ones you requested, but I might leave out a few. I hope I don't. _**

**_PhobbyWriter: I looked for the song on YouTube, but couldn't find any. I now have to find it, because I don't like not being able to do something. I found the song on tumblr awhile ago. I'll try to find it again. _**

**_Aeyla Skywalker: I already did a Saracen and Dexter one, but I will do another one, because I love them. _**

**_Luna Shadows: Your comment makes me laugh every time I see it. I love the fade into the shadows thing! And I'll do your suggestion after Iris's._**

**_KiwiFluffy: I will do one with China as soon as I can. I couldn't think of any really funny people to pair her with. Maybe Eliza, that'd be funny._**

**_So yeah, uh, this time I'm not going to ask for suggestions, because I'm really backed up now, but you still can suggest something if you really want. Also, I really hate doing this (sorta) but please check out my other SP fanfic. It's all random stories and I take suggestions there too. So thanks for all the reviews! I shall be off to hunt down that god damn song. You can't hide forever! *Shakes fist in air* (I'm sorry)_**


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